In life we can make a lot of plans, but how they turn out can be far different that what we think they'll be. I thought I was helping my sister. (And I was) I didn't think much of it when we didn't finish— in construction things rarely get done on time. So when I had to make various extensions (5 in all) it was done light heartedly. We'd joke about whether or not I'd get home before it snowed.
Down deep in my soul I knew that my sister needed someone as an advocate for her. If she did not have one there would not be rhyme nor reason to how the project was approached. So while we worked on it every day, except three, we had time together to share and to talk. It was the most time we'd spent together since we were children. We see life differently. Even though we were both brought up by the same parents our lives are colored by our experiences and in that our lives differ quite a bit.
I have felt resentful and protective of my younger sister. When we were children I would think that she got all of our father's attention. She was snappy with verbal skills and clever. I felt that she was so "lucky". As we got older her bond with our dad was strong, but with our mother she was always at odds. This put Mom more in my camp. Pam, my sister, would give our mom a run for her money. She'd not call in when late, she'd forget to tell her where she was going, she'd argue about things. I know it was hard for Mom, but you know when you want something you don't have you start to obsess about getting it. Mom was clearly fond of my even temperament and willingness to please; but I craved Dad's admiration and what I usually got was a two hour lecture on being more responsible.
It might help if you knew that our dad was loath to spank (tho he would). He would lecture us. It wasn't over quickly like a spanking. No. We had to listen to him pontificate on topics like being responsible. IF you were not showing enough deference he would start on that topic. How we needed to be more mindful of why he was taking this time to instruct us, and it was our responsibility to listen attentively and reply with the right responses. There were times I'd want to laugh, sometimes I'd feel like crying, but mostly after about 45 minutes I'd be bored out of my skull. It is hard to fein interest when you want to have your dad just leave you alone to brood. There were times that I told him a lickin' would be a lot less bother for both of us. But I think perhaps that's why he did it his way. He knew it hurt more to have to listen.
All my time with my father was not spent listening to lectures about how I should behave. Sometimes he'd tell tall tales. He was a wonderful storyteller. He taught me to use his table saw when I was about 9 or 10. I'd tie flies with him at his bench in the basement. We'd work on his car together. We even went on a back country fishing trip together with a bunch of men. It was so memorable for me. He told me from the time I was old enough to understand that I could do or be anything I wanted. In 6th grade he even went to my teacher and said that he wanted me to have the opportunity to be in the architectural drafting class and not the shorthand class (I had cried that I didn't get drafting). Then he took me to get an engineering scale, made me an aluminum T-Square, and made me my own drafting board. Yes, he was empowering — long before many men were open to the idea. I felt that I could do anything, and do it as well as anyone of either gender. So I've always wondered why Pam didn't feel this same way. Maybe Dad treated us differently. Maybe I got the "tuff love" and she got "laughs". What I used to think of as being on the outs was perhaps for me building my character in being independent. Because I think I am fairly independent. My sister is still funnier than most people I know. She can make me laugh very easily. I don't feel jealous of her any more. I believe our father gave us each what we needed. Pam is thoughtful to a fault, caring, funny and a bit on the quirky side. I am independent, curious, self motived and content in my life and also perhaps a bit quirky.
So when I went to Alaska I went to do work that I knew I could do, for sister I love, with skills acquired from an early age onward, with the support and blessings of my husband. It is so good to feel that he supports me in the things that I do. Even when unplanned. Even when it costs more money. Even when it means more time away.
The summer was lost, in that I wasn't home experiencing it with my husband and daughters and friends, but I found my sister. It was such a blessing.
